Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Randomize
