Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
