I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
A+ Viking dick
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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