some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
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