she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
