You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
