I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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