Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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