she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
