If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
