You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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