can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
