We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
