FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
