this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize