I'm jealous of your bromance
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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