we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
we're so committed to being not committed
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
