Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize