So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
