we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
