he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
We don't watch enough power rangers
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
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