Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
i think i have two assholes
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
