Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
