Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
