I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
You need a sexual gate keeper
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize