Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Randomize
