What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
