you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
