So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
