wat bout pragnant strippers??
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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