Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
