in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
