so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
