Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
