you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Randomize
