To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
