she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
