im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
