and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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