I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Randomize
