and you said cock pushups were impossible
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
