she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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