you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
