I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
i think i have two assholes
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
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