Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
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