So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
