I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
