I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
