I must be too annoying 4 u.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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