She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Randomize
