tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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