Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
