I just cut my nipple shaving
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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