Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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