but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Randomize
