I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
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