I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
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