I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Randomize
