I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
