So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I'm having to shit out rocks
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