So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
