my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize