I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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