So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
i think my cat just said my name.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
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