we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
