The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
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