she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
When are your genitals available?
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
