You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Less talking, more tequila
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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