1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize