Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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