You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
