Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
