I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
